Don't believe

Don't believe in eating vegetables and fruit everyday that make the slimming body. Proof of elephants, rhinos and gorillas eat vegetables and fruit, its'body still fat.
Don't believe in swimming that make a thin body. Proof of whales and hippos, swimming every day, its's body still fat.

She can't possibly be mine

After the baby was born, the panicked Indonesian father went to see the obstetrician.

"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"

The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month."

"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) : Pregnancy

Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers or briefs?

A: You'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all

Q: What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control?

A: A misconception

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?

A: Have sex just once a year

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?

A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex ?

A: Childbirth

Q: Should I have a baby after 40?

A. No, 40 children is way too many already

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

A: If it's the flu, you'll get better

Q: Does pregnancy affect a woman's memory?

A: Most of the ladies I asked don't remember

Q: My breasts, rear end & even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

A: Yes, your bladder

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?

A: Cause you're fatter then they are,

Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?

A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman

Q: What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?

A: Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder

Q: How do I know if my baby has dropped?

A: He/She will start crying. Be more careful !

A Handsome man and a Woman

A well groomed and handsome man noticed a woman browsing a nearby isle in a supermarket.

He approached the extremely attractive and voluptuous woman who smiled at him politely.

He asked, "Would you mind if we chatted for a couple of minutes?"

“Why.” she asked.

Well, you know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.

“I don't understand.” She said.

Well, you see, every time I happen to talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

I just want you to hold me.

One Evening, a husband and wife were getting all snugly in bed.

The passion was heating up. But then the wife stopped and said:

"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

The husband says, "WHAT??"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits.

She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.

The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says, "But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."

The husband says, "No - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank.

"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode.

The Husband says "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

Dictionary Of Dating

Dating: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

Easy: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

Eye Contact: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

Friend: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

Indifference: A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

Irritating Habit: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

Nymphomaniac: A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

Sober: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

Law Of Relativity: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

An Old Man and A Cop

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! [The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"

The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"

Wife says, "No officer, only when he's drunk."

birthday celebration

A couple had been married for 25 years when they celebrated their 60th birthdays.

During the celebration a fairy appeared.

She told them that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world.

The fairy waved her wand and Boom!

She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn.

He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and Boom!

He was 90.

jakarta floods

flooding is always cause suffering. but its also creates uniqueness.

from the highway into river that surrounded the building.

Jakarta is like venice in italy
but there people are taking advantage of the floods to having fun.

there is also the opportunity to join the marines vehicle,

many people are not prepared for the flood, but this one really solid with his vehicle

calling while bathing and fun shampooing!

and oddly enough, there is also love taking photos. truly unique !

playstation lease

plestisen ? or please tyson ? or playstation ?

unique helmets in Indonesia

anti lighting helmet

Is this helmet or durian fruit?

steel helmets or scales?

full proctection helmet

Different meaning of traffic lights

Different meaning of traffic lights

green light

abroad: the vehicles should be road

in Indonesia: the vehicles should be road

yellow light

abroad: get ready to stop, reduce speed

in Indonesia: a quick step on the gas, before the red light

red light

abroad: stop

in Indonesia: more speed, especially if the red light is less than three seconds

eating noodles extra electric shock

eating noodles extra electric shock

prohibited accident here!

prohibited accident here!, the hospital is still far

money trash

throw the money in it'splace

pretty medic

If you are injured, who do you choose?

Indonesian Farmer

Indonesian Farmer

Indonesian farmers superhero

salon in Indonesia

blow dry? 

cream bath?

speeding and worship

speeding is equal to worship

getting speeding ...

getting closer ...

with god

Basic Math Lesson

"If you have a dollar," asked the teacher, "and you ask the father one dollar, how much money do you have?"

"One dollar," said Johnny.

"You do not know basic math," said teacher shook his head, disappointed.

Johnny shook his head slightly as well, "you did not know what my father was like."

Criticized By the Teacher

A young mother went to the kindergarten to pick up his daughter . Seeing her show unhappy face , She asked what was wrong with her.

The girl said : " Today the teacher has criticized me , She told me inactive raised my hands to answer a teacher's question in the class. "

Mother immediately ask what had happened . The girl said : " Teacher says , in the home , children are folded blanket itself , please show of hands , I never raised a hand ; then Mrs. teachers say , Mom and Dad help tuck the blanket you , please show of hands , I still did not stretch hands . "

Mother said : " You're 2 times no hands, so the teacher criticized you . "

With the unexpected , the girls argue self-defense : " But in our house , in fact it does no one folded blanket . "

What do you do Every Day

One afternoon a man came home from work and found some of the confusion. The children were playing in the yard using their pajamas.

Inside the house was the sound of a loud TV blaring and a family room full of toys. The dishes in the kitchen sink and breakfast foods meet spilled splattered on the table.

The man up the stairs where he found his wife lying in bed wearing pajamas, reading a novel.

 "What happened here today?" he asked.

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work are always asking what I'm doing today?"

"Yes," he replied.

Shee replied, "Well, today I did not do it."

Business Essay Writing

"Take a pencil and paper," said the teacher, "and write an essay with the title 'If I was a rich businessman.'"

Everyone started writing seriously, but Philip just leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.

"What," asked the teacher. "Why do not you start writing?"

"I'm waiting for my secretary," he said.

Smart Pupil But Too Much Talk

Eight-year-old Sally brought a report card from school.

Her grades were good - mostly A and some B. However, her teacher had written on the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she needs to improve something in the field. She talks too much in school. I had an idea that I will try, which I think might be able to break the habit that. "

Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Sally inherited it from her mother. Please let me know if your idea is successful."

Permission Absent for School

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student must be absent. Kelly, a student, decided to skip class and go to the mall with her ​​friends. she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school itself.

Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly can not go to school today because she was sick."

Officers in high school: "Oh, I am sorry to hear that she was absent. With whom do I speak?"

Kelly: "It's my mother."

Bumping A Chicken

A man was driving down a country road when suddenly there was a chicken crossing the road. the chicken suddenly disappeared under the car and appeared scattered feathers.

The man pulled over and went into a farmhouse, rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man was a little nervously said, "I think I killed your chicken, allow me to replace it."

"Whatever," replied the farmer, "you can go join the other chickens in the back."

Cops and Robbers game

A father has three sons. One afternoon, they all play cops and robbers in the field behind the house.

One of the boys "shot" his father and shout, "Bang! You're dead!"

He sprawled to the ground and he did not immediately get up, the neighbors ran to see if he was injured

When the neighbor bent over, the overworked father opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Do not tell.'s This's only chance I could break all day."

Story at a Zoo

Son: "Mom, look at the face of the monkey is similar to that uncle's standing next to us."

Mother: "Shhh, if you word be heard by ..."

Child: "Ah, do not worry Mom, there would be no problem, that's a monkey do not understand our speech."

Operating Procedure Tonsillectomy

A family on the way to the hospital where their teenage son was scheduled to undergo tonsillectomy. During the trip they discussed how the procedure will be performed.

"Dad," the teenager asked, "how would they keep my mouth open during the surgery?"

Without hesitation his father replied, "They'll give you a hand phone."

Cooking Dinner When Mother sick

A boy fifteen years old came running into the house and found his mother lying on the bed. He asks if she's sick or something.

Mother replied that actually she was not feeling well.

The boy replied, "Mother, do not worry about dinner. I would be happy to hold Mom into the kitchen so that you could cook."

Bottle is in the Patient's stomach

A psychiatric patient always say there is a bottle of beer in his stomach. The doctor tried to explain that this is a hallucination, but he did not listen at all.

Shortly there after, the patient treated at the hospital to undergo surgery for appendicitis. The surgeon and psychiatrist will use this opportunity to remove the hallucination.

Whole operation went very smoothly. When the patient regained consciousness slowly, with one hand clutching a bottle of beer, the doctor said: "We just have helped you to take out a bottle of beer from your stomach."

Having seen and examined carefully, the patient said: "Doc, a bottle of beer is in my stomach not this brand !"

Ensuring Victim Dies

In a murder trial, an ER physician who confirmed the death of the victim was called as a witness.

Lawyer: "Before you signed the death certificate, did you check the victim's pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: " heart rate, did you check?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, when you signed the death certificate, were you sure the man was still breathing or not?"
Witness: "I signed the letter after seeing the victim's brain is on the table in the emergency room. What is not enough to make sure the victim is dead?"

keeping babies

At 3 a.m., a wife wake her husband, she told him to check their baby.

He sat for a minute trying to listen, then protested, "But I did not hear him cry."

"I know," she replied, "it's your turn to go see why him not cry!"

Teen's Room is neat Every Day

A family wants to sell their home.The mother emphasized strongly tha ttheir children should make their bed neatly every morning.Before leaving for work and the kids go to school,and she wanted to make sure that the house looks presentable when the agent shows to prospective buyers.

The mother was surprised and impressed that the15 year old son's bed is perfect and very tidy everyday.One night when she went to his room, she found the secret.

He fell asleep on the floor in a sleeping bag

a Handsome guy or an ugly guy?

If a handsome guy do a crime
girls says: nobodys perfect

if an ugly guy do a crime
girls says: he looks like a criminal

if a handsome guy helping a girl from thugs
girls says: wow cool , like in the movie

if an ugly guy helping a girl from thugs
girls says: surely the thugs is his friend

If a handsome guy is quiet
girls says: wow , so cool

if an ugly is quiet
girls says: squirt !

if a handsome guy singles
girls says: certainly he is a perfectionist

if an ugly guy singles
girls says: he's obvious , he is not worth

if a handsome guy has a pretty girlfriend
girls says: fit , very harmonious

if an ugly guy has a pretty girlfriend
girls says: definitely he's using magic

if a handsome guy is broken heart
girls says: do not be sad , I 'm still there

if an ugly guy is broken heart
girls says: (silent) .. poor you ....

if a handsome guy is animal lover
girls says: feeling smooth , full of love

if an ugly guy is animal lover
girls says: fellow animal family should be cherish .. .

if a handsome guy drives luxury cars
girls says: matching , cool outside and inside

if an ugly guy drives luxury cars
girls says: bro, where's your boss ?

if a handsome guy pouring water into glass to a girl
girls says: This is gentlemen !

if an ugly guy guy pouring water into glass to girl
girls says: instinct house maid , so weve !

if a handsome guy is sad
girls says: let me be your shoulder to cry on

if an ugly guy is sad
girls says: very whiny , not man anyway?

If a handsome guy read this and said " life is beautiful "

if an ugly guy read this,
Frustrated , grab the clothesline , used it in her neck , then shouted ... LIFE IS CRUEL .. ..!

So , who
are you  ? ? ?  a Handsome guy or an ugly guy?

A Father' Amazement

One night a wife found her husband standing near their baby's crib. Silently she watched him was standing staring at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, fascinated, skeptical.
Touched by an unusual sight and deep emotions, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
"Say that you thought," she said.
"It's amazing!" her husband replied, "I can not see how anybody can make a crib like this for only 25 dollar.

Punishment For Children

"When I was young," complained a frustrated father, holding his head, "I was disciplined by being put into my room without dinner., But now, our son has a color TV, telephone, computer, internet and CD player in his room"
"So what do you do when he was acting?" asked his friend.
"I sent him to my room."

Telling Kids How To Want to Bath

Wife: "my son, let's take a bath!"

Boy: "do not want to, I do not want a bath."

Wife can not wait: "Where should not shower, you have to shower."

Boy: "do not want to, I do not want a bath, I do not want a bath!"

Seeing this situation, the father said: "Honey, let's go mess around water!"

The boy was soon walking to the tub.

coffe from overseas

The boss said: "I have brought coffee from overseas, let's you’all try it ."

after drinking coffee, the boss ask them how it feels.

Some employees say: "Wow, it is not really the same, it feels different from the others! It can make eyes awake all night!"

The boss said: "Since you don’t already feel sleepy again, well, let's work overtime tonight."

Have mercy on Beggars

Beggar: "father, have mercy on me, I'm a dumb."

father: "Why? Those dumb can not talk!"

Beggar: "ah, wrong! Deaf man, father!"

father: "you should not heard!"

Beggar: "ah, no! Blind man, father!"

father: (While issuing wallet) "There is no money!"

Beggar: "There are three hundred!"

father: "You said your blind, it should not see!"

Beggar: "Wrong again. Crazy guy, father!

how to make a husband or a wife happy

how to make a husband happy is easy :

1 . cooking for him

2 . sleep with him

3 . do not ever check his hand phone

4 . do not disturb his business or hobby

how to make the wife happy is simple :

1 . be a friend. 2 . accompany her in quiet moments. 3 . be a lover. 4 . become a brother-like figure. 5 . be a father figure. 6 . an expert.  7 . a chef. 8 . an electrician. 9 . an expert on water pipe. 10 . the mechanic. 11 . Experts timber. 12 .decorator . 13. expert makeup artist .14. sexologist 15 . gynecologist 16 . expert in getting rid of insects 17 . psychologist 18. psychiatrists  19. herbalist or a doctor, 20 . a good listener 21 . Experts in organizing 22 . good father to children . 24 likes cleanliness . 25. sympathetic  . 26. athletic 27 . the soft. 28 attentive .29. dashing. 30. smart .31 . funny . 32. creative . 33. Strong . 34. understanding . 35. Tolerance. 36 . wise. 37. Ambitious. 38. Workmanlike. 39 .firm. 40 .diligent. 41. True. 42. Reliable. 43 . passionate. 44. give her compliments regularly. 45 . shopping with her especially if there are discounts. 46 . always honest.  47. be rich. 48 . do not like to make her stress. 49 . do not like to look at other women. 50.dont forgot her birthday 51 . there are many more .... tired of thinking about it .... but no body perfect

The most important is loyal to her